Boost your Attitude with Gratitude

Today I'm sitting in my favorite place, the bookstore!  

I remember in the early 2000's my girls and I would take Saturday excursions to Books-a-Million. They loved just sitting amongst the books in the children section, then making well thought out decisions of what new book would be their intellectual playhouse for the weekend. It was a place we could learn together and above all, it was FREE admission!!

Books have always been my little getaway. During my quiet days as a pre-teen and teenager, I would read.  I would go in my room and just read.  I could so vividly transform the words from the pages into little movie scenes in my head.  

Even as an adult I continued to read and when I had nowhere to turn during dark times, books then became my escape.  I needed solace and I found it in books. 

With 2017 readily approaching, I was spiritually nudged to come back to this happy place.  I've been busy living and moving so now it's time to sit.  

Sitting here in a comfy lounge chair, I reminisce on my life journey... then a tremendous feeling of gratitude surfaces. 

I ponder on my life and all the wonderful places and people I've encountered along my journey.  Some are no longer physically present in my life anymore, but nevertheless, I can still feel their presence and appreciate their impact. 

Gratitude will boost your attitude! When we come from a place of gratitude, we're expanding our positive force field and creating more abundance.  

Write down all the things you're grateful for - big or small.  It could be your house or the fact you have two working legs. 

😊 I'm grateful for:

💞My mother

💞My amazing three daughters

💞My positive friendships

💞My hilariously funny two brothers

💞My life lessons

💞My ability to provide a comfortable home for my children

💞My health

💞My sanity

💞My talents

💞The opportunity of creating my own destiny




I may not have everything at any particular moment, but I'm grateful for my life and the opportunity to correct my wrongs and try again. 

I'm grateful my intuition brought me to this bookstore. It opened my force field of creativity and replenished my depleted creativity word bank. 

Be grateful, appreciate the magic in the little things, and then watch how your positive force field attracts more of that funky good stuff into your life. 

Connect with me on social media @Carrice_writer

Email: Carrice_writer@att.net

Am I enough?

Can I actually accomplish all my dreams?  Can I solely write and make a profitable living from it?  Can I raise successful, balanced children?  Can I be a good daughter and sister, yet still live my life on my terms?

I say YES!!

I  am and will continue to accomplish all my dreams.  I'm a successful freelance writer.  I'm raising successful, balanced children.  I'm a good daughter and sister, and I'm still living my life on my own terms.

I affirm to myself what I AM, not what I hope to be or what I can't or possibly would one day want to be. 

I affirm to the present and I am and make it so! 

I have times of self-doubt.  For example, when I'm having a difficult time finding the right words for a client or when I'm writing something and it just doesn't flow.  I doubt myself and think I may have picked the wrong profession. 

Especially now when I'm shifting gears and moving towards writing full-time. 

It's scary! But I affirm my dreams and my talent. 

I'm doing the work to learn the craft.  Changing my environments, making sure I surround myself with people of like minds and goals. People who have and are on the same journey. 
I have patience with myself and always remember. I can do this!

Please enjoy an original poem of self-actualization...


Am I enough?

I was told I was a sinner
Babies being baptized and can't even piss straight
We're taught to live in a condition of less than

Am I enough?

In school I always heard...you can do better, work harder, make better grades
They always wanted more...more with no appreciation of my presence.

Wasn't I enough?

Your hair looks better like this.
Are you gaining weight?
Oh, you look too thin...
Get out the sun, before you get too dark
You have a pretty face tho...

So I...

Made straight A's,
Lost weight,
Stayed out the sun,
Grew my hair long,
Was always polite and soft-spoken or never spoke at all.

Was this enough?

Then one day,  I lit a candle, looked within, then a voice whispered...

YOU ARE ENOUGH.
YOU ARE PERFECTLY MADE.
REMEMBER YOUR PURPOSE.
WORK AND GROW IN TALENTS.
ALWAYS MOVE IN LOVE AND GIVE PATIENCE,GENEROUSLY.
YOU ARE ENOUGH.

My child-bearing hips are enough.
My wide nose is enough.
My hair grows perfectly without chemical manipulation.
It is enough.

All that I am and All I will be is and will be divinely ENOUGH.

So, I can?  Yes, I can.  I will continue to always be divinely enough.

You living or "filling"?

We all want things out of life.  We want a new job, you would like to find love, we want new clothes and even new furniture.  But are you making room in your life to receive a new job, love, and all the things you desire?

For the majority of us, the answer is NO! We want and we consume, but we never make room to receive. 

If we want a new wardrobe, where would we hang the clothes?  Our closets are filled with old clothes which do not fit our current fashion style or current body size. We want a new car, but have yet to clean out the garage.  We want a new loving relationship, yet we continuously stay in dead end relationships and even more intriguing, we entertain exes when we know nothing significant will ever come from it - just "filler" sex, "filler" connection, a "filler" date. 

Clutter and the habit of "filling" up space, is the biggest emotional and physical barrier in our lives.  

Cluttered mindset, cluttered "filled" closets and houses, nor cluttered "fill - in" relationships will not give us what we want.  

It keeps us living in spiritual lack, financial lack, and lifeless personal connections.  

You ain't living you "filling"!

"Filling" up our lives with unnecessary junk and people whom we really don't need or like. It's comfortable and easy, so we just "filler up" in hopes one day something more appealing will fall in our laps. 

Make room to receive! 

3 simple rules for removing clutter:

1. What value does it serve?  Everything has to have a valuable purpose.  We need it to function in our everyday lives, we get enjoyment from it, or we simply love it. If something just sits there and serves no immediate functional or esthetic purpose, it just may be on the list for goodwill or a yard sale. This goes for possessions and people! 

2. Will the person or things be a functional component in my new desired life? Will this person or possession be beneficial to me in my future?  Will I need to move it to another part of my house/life, or completely out of my house/life? 

3. Go back to #1 and #2 and truly evaluate everything and everyone in your life. 

You meet a new man or woman, you're really attracted to them, and you find out you all really have a lot in common. But oops, you still have a lingering "filler" relationship - taking up space, blocking any forward movement with your new chance at love.  

We can't receive when you continuously "filling" our way through life. 

Clear out space and breathe!  When that new trinket or person comes along, we don't have to rack our brains on where and how it will become a part of our lives.  It will already have a space available and waiting. 

Live your life in a manner  that everything serves a purpose for your greater good. Simply "filling" space is bogus and blocking your new beginnings.   

  

You living or just "filling"?

The Love I Didn't Know, Part II

How was I to recognize genuine love when the first man designated to love me fell short?

Well, eventually I did!  

With one head-butt, I realized my life could either go two ways. I would either be dead or in jail for defending myself. Therefore, removing myself from the environment was the safest and smartest decision.  
I asked myself some serious questions.  

• What was my pattern with all my relationships? 
• Why did I always expect the worse?
• Did I accept ownership of my life choices?
• Who was I ? What were my talents?
• Did I love myself enough to want the best?
• How did the absence of a father affect my overall view of men and relationships? 

Now I didn't make this miraculous change overnight or six months. This was and still is an ongoing personal journey.  I really started seeing a change when I wouldn't settle in my friendships and personal relationships.  


Courtesy of pinetrest.com

I stopped allowing disrespect and neglect.  I began to teach people how to treat me.  If this was a problem, then I politely removed myself from the person or the environment. I became comfortable with my own company.  I embraced every aspect of myself.  Things I didn't like, I worked and changed them.
I began taking compliments.  Yes, taking compliments!  Often times, I would receive a compliment, then proceed to point out a flaw or add a "but" to the person's compliment.  Now I simply say, "Thank you"!  



Courtesy of drdivanyoung.com

With issues concerning my father and my love relationships, I had to recognize the similarities between the men and my father.   I become aware of the fact, I chose men very similar to my father. I had to acknowledge I had "daddy issues". Now I can check myself, if and when I start to fall back in those same destruction patterns and behaviors.  

By acknowledging the behavior, I now had the power to change it. 

I'm learning to love myself as I am.  I was made this way for a purpose. So I am embracing myself and loving the way I am. I understand I'm not perfect.  Nevertheless, I love myself! 

The more I love myself the more other people love me.

Some couldn't take the changes, but they respect me for living out my life's journey.
  
How did I recognize genuine love? I began to develop a genuine love of self.  Who I was, where I came from, finding my purpose and talents. 

I literally began to love myself! 

Yes, not having a consistent father figure, will give any man and woman daddy issues. When we acknowledge the loss and pain, we can own it and heal.  I started to truly love myself, I expect only the best and I also give the best in return.  I recognized the genuine love because I genuinely grew in love with myself.  

Carrice, Present Day

The Love I Didn't Know

How was I to recognize genuine love when the first man designated to love me fell short?

I know who my father is.  He was once married to my mother, but at the age of four my parents divorced.  I only have one early childhood memory of my father.

My parents, and my older brother, and I were still living in Florida.  I had on a pretty white dress, and we were visiting my paternal grandparents.  Some family members were visiting from out of town and everyone raved about how pretty I was in my new white ruffled dress.  I sat down on my grandparent's white leather couch looking at my lace socks, I was happy. My father was on the other side of the room, laughing with his head tilted towards the ceiling, enjoying his family and the conversation. 

All other memories are all fights, arguments, and just thoughts of him being an invisible entity in my life.  I've lived many years thinking his absence had no effect. Now I realize, that's an "untruth-a-tude". Even though he wasn't in my life, his absence still had a profound influence in major life choices and personal behaviors. 

Now the next memorable interaction with my father would be profound!  My oldest brother was graduating from high school and my paternal grandfather persuaded my father to come to his graduation.  After the ceremony, my father looked at me and said, "Oh I know the boys are after my pretty daughter!  You are beautiful! Do you have a boyfriend?"  I was dumbfounded.  

Kindergarten

I had on a light green rubbed, knee length dress with ivory wedge sandals with lace straps; which wrapped and connected in a neat bow behind my ankles.  My hair was in a bouncy, full curly set.  

As you can see, twenty years later, I still remember every detail of this life moment. Just in my description, I've painted the picture of a beautiful teenage girl, but my 16- year-old self couldn't understand what my father saw.  

After the graduation, I went back to work with my mother. As she went about her day, I was alone in art supply closet. Hanging on the back of the door was a full body mirror.  I stood in front of the mirror and stared at my image.   I remember talking to myself, "beautiful?", "what did he see?", "I don't see beautiful?", "Am I pretty?" I stood in front of that mirror for more than thirty minutes.  Even later that night, I was still confused. 

  

Senior Prom

I had never thought of myself as beautiful. The years previously, I truly never remember hearing the physical attribute and myself included in the same sentence. I was a shy 11th grader, and I didn't really have any passions, I was just a girl.  I was friendly, but everything in my world had no deep meaning to me. I rarely got excited about anything. At the age most girls were overly excited about boyfriends and going to the prom, I wasn't. I went to prom, but looking back at the pictures my eyes were emotionless. Somewhere along the way, my light flickered away.  By the time I reached my preteens and teen years, it was gone.   I was the essence of what neglect does to a child. 

Sophomore year of high school 

Life and vibrancy were missing.  Love was a word I rarely used.  I even had a problem saying, "good morning". Anything attached to the expectation of happiness was difficult for me.  I really didn't understand what high vibration, positive, healing love was.  I thought love was dismissive, arguments, lying, name calling, and just trying to make myself desirable so they'll come back or stay.  

I'm still in awe, how the absence of a father's love is emotionally detrimental to the self-worth of a child. By the age of 22, I had already had one abusive relationship and was currently in the midst of one.  My entire self-image and worth were distorted. I thought everything bad in my life, was supposed to be there. I never expected happiness. I was comfortable with problems and drama.  Life was about surviving the next disappointment. 

I accepted neglect.  I accepted being disrespected.  I accepted being silent.  I accepted being invisible.  I accepted not being a priority.  I accepted not being protected.  

How could I possibility recognize genuine love when the first man designated to love me fell short?

Well I did, eventually....

Come back next week for Part II


Carrice
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Friends...How many of us have them?

I know this was supposed to be a weekly blog, but I must be inspired to share particular parts of myself.  So today at this very moment, I'm moved. 

Life has its way of telling us exactly where to go, how to get there and whom to take along the journey.

In order to receive this guidance, we have to listen and understand all the signs life gives us. First, we must clear out clutter.  This clutter definitely can be old possessions, but I'm speaking of people and certain personal connections. With every new growth or change in my life, the personal scenery has changed. The places I once visited, the people I spent the most time with, all changed at the same speed of my maturation and personal growth.  People called me crazy (still do), said I had emotional problems and some just flat out lied because they didn’t know why I had shut them out of my life.  Retrospectively, I could have communicated my feelings better, but at the time I had to concentrate on myself and the well-being of my household.  

My life is still continuously changing. During this mercury retrograde, it's been emotional to say the least. So many emotional and personal issues have resurfaced.  I miss Ghana and Kwesi.  I long for my career's passion, the abandonment issues of being a fatherless daughter…the list goes on and on. Even though all these things are whirling in my psyche right now, I feel supported.  I’m supported because I have a strong circle of friends around me.

We all have friends and connect with people on some level, but I'm referring to those ride or die friends.  The friends, no matter what's going on, will be there for you. The friends who encourage you to achieve your next life accomplishment.  These friends tell you when your breath stinks or when you're musky!  The friend that snap right back, when you’re tripping and being a complete A-hole. These friends hold a mirror up to your BS!   

I have three of those friends: one I chose to marry, the second I've shared an on again, off again, friend, enemy, road dog and now we back together sister-friendship with for over thirty years, and then my big brother. My oldest brother is my own personal cheerleader.  We haven’t lived in the same city for over twenty years, but he’s always one phone call, text, or email away.  

These three people help me through all life struggles and celebrate the successes.  When I'm uncertain of my next career move or when I’m in a funky mood, we'll sit and talk about some of the most mundane and irrelevant true facts of life sh@*, just for giggles.   Later, they encourage me to continue to write in any capacity, because they believe in my talent.  Encouraging life connections push us along our personal journeys.  All the while helping us listen and observe our behaviors through their eyes, giving us a different perspective during this ongoing, learning process.

Life is gradually speeding up and it's so counter-productive to just “Free Willy Styling” day to day. We don’t have time! Today is the time to start living the life you want; with who want, where you want!  

I believe we need to do a personal inventory of our friendships.  If you want a successful career - are your friends professionally successful?  You want a loving, mutually positive long-term relationship with a partner of your dream, but every friend in your circle is single and bitter. So where are you going to learn the skills necessary to achieve success in business and love?  More than likely and more than probably, nowhere!  We are reflections of the company we keep!

I've disassociated myself with a few acquaintances over the years and it's been for the better. Some have joined me again at different stages of my journey and the reemergence has only enhanced our bond and connect. Disconnecting gave us the opportunity of learning and growing, separately.  Once we met up again, we could both give different perspectives of the relationship. Sometimes separation is a need for healing and growth to begin.

We have to evaluate all friendships regardless of the overly glorified "history" we have with someone.

Evaluate your connections and friendships:

• How do you feel once you leave an interaction?  Do you feel revived or depleted?
• Is the friendship one-sided?  You're sharing more personal information or sharing greater truths about yourself than the other person. 
• Are your friends genuinely supportive and happy when you succeed in your professional or personal life?

Just observe and allow people to perform for you.  Rest assured, you’ll surely see their true character. 

I could make these changes and strides in my life alone, but I love the comfort, support, and motivation from my true friends.  I have them when I need to complain about my day, when I need help on making uncertain decisions and most importantly to share all the joys of my life. Additionally, I'm always open and there for them, as well. 

To have real friends, be a real friend. 

I've had to work on my friendship and partnership skills.  So check yourself and also make sure you add to your friend's life.  If not, make some adjustments and be the kind of friend or partner you want.

Every new beginning starts with self!  

So I will continue to take deep, cleansing breaths, take care of my body and spirit, and push to the next level of my earthly existence.  All the while, my real friends will tell me when it's time to brush my teeth, and if need be, turn up the temperature on my Degree when I'm a little tart.  I hope you have or soon acquire the same!

Sienna Sunrise by D.Harmajon

Peace and Bliss, 

Carrice

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I'm Tripping, Part IV

Kwesi and I started our Thursday morning early, around 6 am. Personally, I didn't want this day to come. It marked the closing of my trip and I knew in a couple of days I would be back on a plane to the United States.

It rained the previous night, roads were still muddy.  So, some drivers wouldn't drive us to Nkrumah Circle to catch a *trɔ trɔ; they feared flooding.    We would take a trɔ trɔ from Zongo Junction at Madina. We were traveling to Kwahu.  Kwahu or Kwawu is a mountainous region about two hours drive west of Accra. Kwahu is also Kwesi's home.

The trɔ trɔ station was muddy and the place was congested.  People were everywhere - screaming and waving people to their vehicles!   Kwesi picked the first trɔ trɔ going to Kwahu, he didn't want me in the crowd.  I enjoyed all the interaction, but Kwesi was worried I would get lost in all the confusion. Once the trɔtrɔ was packed, like a can of sardines; we were off!

Now, this was a ride!  We had a stunt driver from the movie Fast and Furious. He drove through the Ghanaian country side at hyper-speeds. With me being on a swivel seat, I felt everything; every hill and dip as we went up to Kwahu. We passed various smaller towns and villages, and I held on the entire way.  Kwesi thought my caution was hilarious, but I wasn't amused.  I was relieved when we finally made it to Kwahu.

 Kwesi's older brother, Osei pulled up with the biggest smile on his face.

Osei greeted me,  "Welcome, Afia!  We are happy to have you!"

The city was crowded because of the Easter Festival.  It was like the old Freanik in Atlanta or New Orleans during Mardi Gras.  It was a sea of people and it was HOT! We drove around, then we picked up Kwesi's mother, which I affectionately now called Mommy.  

After lunch and resting, Osei took us up the mountain, so I could see where they grew up. On top of the mountain, it was another little city. We first went to see their sister.   She was the owner of a very popular club in Kwahu, Eastern Palace.  She was at the club getting ready for the upcoming Easter Festival activities.  Upon arrival, I was again warmly welcomed and fed.  Family members were all around the club helping and getting things ready for the Easter Festival crowd.

After leaving Eastern Palace, they took me to their childhood home, Atibie Palace.  Their father was a chief. Since his death, 15 years ago, no one has lived in the palace. The majority of tribes in Ghana are matriarchal. The lineage is inherited through their mother not the father. Therefore, the father's sister's children would be next in line to be chief, not Kwesi or any of his brothers. 

I was impressed. I could see where this once was a very nice place to live out your childhood. Kwesi and his family poured libations for their father and another late Chief, both were buried behind the palace.  Hearing Kwesi pour libations for his father, moved me. The palace workers that opened the gates for us were also moved; one had to walk away to keep his composure.  I felt a presence in the palace.  As if I could see Kwesi as a little boy; playing and running around his mother, palace workers cleaning and cooking and then their father sitting watching it all with a small smirk on his face. In an instance, the palace was not abandoned, it was alive; welcoming Kwesi's family back home.

Friday night Kwesi, Osei, Mommy and I all went to Eastern Palace. Driving up to the club, you could see international flags flying to welcome all quests.  The place was jumping!   Being from the dirty south, I had my purse open to be checked at the front gate.  We walked straight in, without being frisked.   

I asked Kwesi, "No one is going to check us?"  

"Check us for what?!"  

I said, "For weapons, duh!"  He just laughed at me.  He assured me, they didn't have those types of problems.  I was a little nervous because it was over 300 people there.  I just waited for something to "pop off".  People were drinking, eating, dancing and enjoying themselves. I just knew something was about to "go down".  It was too many black people in one spot! Kwesi assured me to relax and just have fun.  We were fine and no one was going to fight. 

After coming back from a dance, Kwesi turned his back to me and Mommy came and sat on my right side, so I was now sitting in between both of them.

Kwesi turned and said, " Afia, I love you and you have made me very happy.  Will you accept my ring and be my wife?"

Afia said, " OH YES!" 

Mommy and Osei clapped and the camera man came and took numerous pictures.  Kwesi's sister came and took pictures and congratulated me and welcomed me to the family.

It was a  perfect night and everyone partied with us until 3 o'clock the next morning.

By the way, there were no fights or gun shots firing.   Everything was peaceful.  Everyone just danced and enjoyed the night with no altercations.  I wished we could enjoy each other's company over here in the United States. Sometimes it's momentous occasion when we can get more than 300 black Americans together with no shenanigans.  Easter Palace wasn't a fashion show, either! Can you believe people actually came to dance and have a good time?! Not to sit in a corner, looking cute, or walking in the club trying to reenact a rap video - stunting and making it rain.

We danced the night away Friday and then return Saturday night to do the same thing!

Kwesi and I were so happy and newly engaged Saturday night, but my tripping episode to Ghana was coming to an end. 

When Kwesi grabbed my hand to lead me out the club, I squeezed his hand trying to hold back my tears. It didn't work; I broke down.  I didn't want to leave.  I had thoroughly enjoyed myself and I would miss the new half of my family.  Osei and Kwesi tried to console me, but I couldn't stop crying. Everyone just stopped talking and let me cry.

The next morning Kwesi and I  went back to Accra.  My flight was leaving late Monday night. Musa, the security guard,  drove up on his motorcycle to let us in.  He had just return from running errands.   

I just wanted to move in slow motion, I didn't want to leave.  

My experience in Ghana was unforgettable.  I'm glad I decided to take the trip.  If I hadn't, I probably wouldn't be engaged to one of the wisest men I know.  I wouldn't have seen just how beautiful Ghana is and how hospitable the Ghanaian people are.  I now have proof - all Africans aren't poor and not suffering from malnutrition. Ghana isn't perfect, just like the United States.  Nevertheless, I've seen that Ghana and Africa have resources and culture that black Americans are not tapping into.  The culture, the values, and the sense of community alone would enrich anyone's life.

I'm glad I was tripping! It was my first trip to Ghana, but I know it will not be my last!

*Ghana, Ɛnkyɛ mɛ hu wo!  


www.carricequinniewriter.com  
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*trɔ trɔ - Privately, owned minibus that travels fixed routes, only leaving when filled to capacity.  While there are trɔ trɔ stations, these vehicles can be boarded anywhere along their routes. 
*Ghana, Ɛnkyɛ mɛ hu wo - Ghana, see you soon!