What is my reflection teaching me?
I love new experiences and people! Well, I do now!
I use to be fearful and shy away from new experiences. I was fearful of what other people thought of me. I really didn't know what I thought of myself. I judged others, because I continuously judged myself. I wasn't good enough for this, or I wasn't skinny enough to wear this...the list goes on.
Once I took the time to get to know myself and then stop judging other (frankly it didn't matter). I loved myself, now I could appreciate and respect the difference in others and actually learn from everyone I came in contact with.
My life is my mirror. My experiences are reflecting continuously learning experiences. But I have to actually be conscious of these new and glorious moments. I had a reflective moment last Saturday.
Actually last weekend I had three reflective moments, but now let's just indulge in my 2nd reflective moment.
My 1st reflective moment (I will express "who, what and when" in the months to come) and I met one of my oldest and dearest friends, Chantel.(This is her alter-ego name for privacy purposes).
A little back ground...Chantel and I have a funny friendship. We've been friends since childhood and we have had our friendships highs and lows, but now we're on a high. We're both are re-defining who we are and discovering and strengthening all of our God given powers. SUPER FRIENDS UNITE! I get excited about personal discovery and growth!
Back to the story...
Chantel gave me a master "man in the mirror" moment. She told
reflective moment #1, .."Carrice usually dates men that are loud, flashy and over the top. When her man walks in the room you can tell exactly what they're about, just from the way they carry themselves. They're the life of the party or the most "something"... handsome, tallest person in room or best dressed. She usually dates men that are doing the most".
I was shocked! What? Is that how people see the men I choose to have in my life? I never looked at it that way. I thought I was attracted to confidence.
I didn't refuse her observation. I just listened. Chantel was holding up a mirror. She let me see something I could have never seen by myself.
Later that night, I just sat and thought about our conversations...I know what I find attractive in men - Confidence. I know what I find unattractive - Fear. Now to me confidence and fear are polar opposites, so thus actually on the same spectrum. What does this truly say about me?
When we are attracted or repelled by a character trait of another person, that trait is something we either value or a trait we have not come to terms with in ourselves.
People may see me as very confident, but deep down inside I'm dealing with fear. So I find blatant, communicated fear unattractive. Men that camouflage fear with grandiose personalities were attractive to me, because in essence I was living and expressing the same thing. I was living a lie.
Now I live to overcome my fear! I've consciously started to erase any validity I once thought those fears held.
I now love meeting new people and having new experiences. I stop hiding! I can see myself in them and there is no judgment. The good and the bad are all to some extent and reflection of me. The strengths I embrace or the flaws and fears and I need to access.
I learn more about myself with each encounter. My hope, after meeting me, people learn more about themselves. Or at least I make them think and ask themselves questions that will one day, start them on a personal journey.
Everyone is not ready to look in the mirror. So we continue to have surface interactions and never really delve into true encounters and relationships.
But for me, It's time! I want more and I deserve more. You all are my reflection. I am me because you are you...and I thank Chantel and all my mirror toting friends, for all of our moments and the moments yet to reflect.
You may not be ready or you may not agree, but these are just Expressions by Carrice.
1Love
www.carricequinniewriter.com
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