Listen

When I was in the 10th grade I had an English teacher who would cross out pages of my papers and give me zeros on five page essays. She would continuously cross out entire pages and in all capital letters, write NO! and WRONG! throughout my papers.
In the beginning, I thought my papers were insightful and brilliantly written. My grammar, spelling and essay structure were textbook.  

She didn't appreciate my free-thinking.  I received red-ink filled papers because I didn't express her same philosophical thoughts on literature. I read the stories and poems then offered my own images and opinions on what the author was expressing.  Consequently, I received several failing grades, consecutive grading periods, until my mother called a parent-teacher conference.  

Yet the damage was done. Now writing was a source of anxiety. 

The following year in the 11th grade, my teacher appreciated my thought process.  By this time, I was lackadaisical in my school work and only did what was needed to make passing grades. 

I can recall her telling me,"Carrice, you're brilliant!  Your papers are some of the most well-thought out and written papers I've ever seen from a student. The problem is you're just LAZY!"


I appreciated her comments and efforts to push me into academic action, but I wasn't listening. I wrote all my school papers at the last minute because I dreaded the writing process, red pens, and English teachers.

Years later in my college sophomore American Literature course, the professor asked to speak to me after class. She encouraged me to change my Exercise Science major to English, Journalism, or some form of Communication.  She went on to tell me, my papers were some of the best she had ever read.  

I just nodded smiled and said thank you. 

I still wasn't listening! I was still living in the fear of failure. All I could see were those marked up pages.   I figured she really didn't know what she was talking about.  She was a young professor, so her frame of reference wasn't large enough to really give a valid opinion. I brushed it off!

I never took writing seriously. I was just writing to make a good grade.  She persisted and urged me to meet with the English department and just learn about the different degree programs.  When she saw my resistance, she gave me an option of making English my minor. 

NOPE! NOTHING WORKED! I WAS NOT LISTENING!

I never scheduled an appointment. I never thought about it again.  I never thought writing was one of my talents. 

I just wasn't listening!  

Then almost eight or nine years later, an old friend and I wanted to start a women's empowerment group. Overnight, I started to write articles and post with such ease. I even surprised myself!  
People began to give me compliments, requesting me to write things for them... then I opened up, released the fear of not being good enough and began to grow in my talent.   

I started writing for my current employer.  I was later asked to write a monthly column in a corporate newsletter and was published several times in the national company magazine.   I got my first paid writing job as a featured blogger on a local family website.  I was now listening and putting planned, guided effort behind my talent. 

I finally listened! Almost 20 years after being led to believe I wasn't a good writer, I let go of the judgment from those zeros and started realizing and believing in my talents. 

We're always receiving signs. Some listen and prosper, while others grow deaf to their spirits; to muddle around, never realizing their true selves.  

Now years later, I believe in the concept of being guided by spirit and the practice of listening.  We're all being guided, but we just have to start listening.  

Don't let fear or past life experiences make you deaf and blind to your special gifts.  For that one special talent has the potential of expanding every facet of your life. 

Listen to the compliments, Listen to the signs, Listen and feel what gives you peace and joy! 

Just Listen!